Life is a one way road
by Audrey1119
Summary: Leo, Harry & Nikki take one last look back before moving on...
1. Chapter 1

Silent Witness belongs to BBC... :)

* * *

><p><strong>Life is a one way road<strong>

**Leo**

Professor Leo Dalton was sitting at his dinner table finishing reports. It was unusual for him to bring the work home. Usually he would stay late or make an early start on those rare occasions when an active case would cause him to be late with reports, papers, articles, plans or anything else that man at his positions was bound to do.

He never considered himself an important person. He knew that his work spoke for itself and was in a great deal proud of his accomplishments, flattered that he was well respected by his peers and colleagues. But he was never arrogant.

Maybe it was the nature of his work combined with personal tragedy that made him realise something that is so obvious and simple but often missed even and especially by people like him. He knew that he was replaceable. Leo Dalton, doctor, professor, Member of British Empire… was replaceable. Sometimes he felt that if he hadn't worked as much as he had, things might have been different. Maybe he wouldn't be professor but he might still be a father. Rational part of him eventually made peace with those self – destructive, unchangeable, impossible thoughts. Life is a one way road and it can't be changed no matter how many times you turn around.

* * *

><p>He rarely let himself go back to past. Sometimes all he would think about for days could be nothing and no one else but Theresa and Cassie. He would be woken up by a familiar voice calling his name, and still, even know, years later for a moment so small that only his heart, not his brain could register it, he would expect to see Theresa laying by his side and it would be Cassie calling him to help her. Images would be too strong and in that second stolen from past, present and never possible future, he could smell his wife's shampoo and felt her presence beside him. He expected her to be by his side, alive, breathing, there to be loved just like it was supposed to be. But the reality was different. So many times when she needed him he hadn't been there and it would hunt him till his own death.<p>

There was never a moment since the day when he has lost his family, that he felt genuinely happy. Not like before. Not that innocent and careless happiness of a man who has never witnessed tragedy. He knew he'll never be that man again.

* * *

><p>After every tragedy, after every loss, piece of who we are is lost. But not taken away. It stays in us, like a fossil, buried under other pieces of us, witnessing the passage of time that brings none or very little change. Eventually it becomes a ghost that hunts us, terrifies us, part of us that we detest, deny, even regret. At the beginning all he felt was shock. Then there was despair and anger, loneliness, self hate and denial.<p>

Huge part of Leo Dalton died on that July 25th. It was a part of his life that was so intertwined with every other part. Part that was making him irreplaceable. He was a lover, companion, husband, father, care giver. All of that was now gone and destined to stay buried deep like the bodies of those who created it.

* * *

><p>Now, years later the lost part became reminder of the time that was long gone, but never forgotten. Priceless exhibit in the gallery of his life. He would take it sometimes from its carefully built shelf and take a better look.<p>

Then he would feel his wife's lips on his own, touch of her hair under his fingertips, or Cassie's kicks in her womb. He could see Cassie's smile on the first day of school and the faces of her babies that will never be born. In those moments years have never passed. And Leo Dalton would be shocked, in despair, angry and lonely all over again. But these days were rare.

They say certain things happen only once in life. Maybe it's only half right. Because, love is never the same. And when is one so cruelly taken away from you, maybe it's fair from life to offer you another. But no one knew better than Leo that life doesn't owe us to be fair.

* * *

><p>For a bigger part of his relationship with Janet he refused to think about his feelings as love. But she never gave up on him and instead of running away from his lost part or trying to bury it even deeper she did something extraordinary.<p>

She helped bring his lost peace back. Back to their conversations, back to _the living, _back to the light. She helped him put the piece on the respected and safe place it was now on.

Leo then learnt that love happens more than once. It is always different and always the same. But it mustn't ever be ignored or denied.

* * *

><p>It was the phone ringing that brought him back to reality. So he looked away from the cradle and answered his phone. It was Harry.<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

Thank you for reading!

Special THANK YOU and a Harry hug goes to my reviewers XD

* * *

><p>"I saw them standing there pretending to be just friends, when all the time in the world could not pry them apart."<br>— Brian Andreas

**HARRY, I.**

"Harry, what happened?" Leo asked his younger friend who was standing in front of his door obviously distressed. He put aside the fact that it was 6 am, they were way beyond those kinds of courtesies but still it had to be something urgent because Harry looked like he hasn't slept at all last night.

"Horrible thing happened" Harry said letting himself in and going straight to Leo's couch where he sat and dropped his head in his hands.

"What happened?"

But the younger man just raised his head, looked at him bluntly and sighed.

"Is everyone alright, did something happened to Nikki, to your mum, what is going on?" Leo asked again trying to come up with a reason for this strange behaviour.

"Nikki and I went out for a dinner last night" he finally answered; look on his face nostalgic like he's was remembering something that happened thirty years ago not last night.

"O-K" Leo said slowly, not liking where this was going "you went out for dinners before" he said trying to push Harry to talk more as he was staring in the distance again.

"She was so beautiful" Harry suddenly said. "Am I allowed to say that she was beautiful?" he turned and looked straight in his friend's eyes, his own filling with tears.

"Oh, Harry" Leo said putting his hand on his right shoulder and sitting by his side on the couch. He didn't want Harry to feel uncomfortable if he needed to cry. So now he couldn't see his face anymore, but could hear his sighs. Harry obviously gave up talking again.

"Did you tell her she was beautiful?" Leo finally asked leaning back on the couch.

"I have no right to tell her she is beautiful. How would I go back after that?"

"Back where? To denial?"

Harry finally reacted on Leo's words, turned and looked at him. He didn't know what he wanted, maybe to sound and look offended or angry, but he saw in Leo's eyes sympathy and so nothing else was left in his own eyes but a plea for help. He turned back again, and looked at his hands. He stared at them for a few moments like reading some invisible words of guidance.

"Harry, you and Nikki went out for dinner… Right?" Harry nodded. "What happened then?"

This was insane but it was obviously state of Harry's mind this morning.

"Harry, what happened then?" he repeated.

"Miracle, Leo. I went home and met the most beautiful bottle of scotch I've ever seen. Technically I met her last week when I bought it but I'm pretty sure it's magical as it disappeared faster than any before" Harry said trying to force himself to laugh at his own rather lame joke.

Leo gave him one of those looks that obviously said he wasn't pleased with his behaviour. In moments like this he felt like Leo was his father. And he needed his father this morning because he couldn't live in disguise anymore. He swallowed another wave of tears that threatened to fall and finally said.

"She is going to leave us."

"What?"

"She is thinking of going to South Africa. She rambled about time passing and wanting to find sense in life and going back home… She can't possibly think of it as home. We are her family, Leo, her home is here, right?" Harry was desperate for someone to agree with him, to bring some sense to all of this because his world seemed to jumped out of rails when his brain caught up with Nikki's words of leaving him.

"She hasn't decided yet?" Leo asked, now understanding Harry's behaviour.

"She says she hasn't but she seemed awfully determined."

"Well if she says she hasn't than she hasn't. And then you have all the time needed to convince her to change her mind."

"I know her better than she knows herself. She has decided" Harry said his brain working awfully slowly this morning. "You say I should force her to change her mind? Why me?"

"Let's not play anymore, Harry. And I didn't say that you should force her, just talk to her. Tell her why she should stay."

"Because I love her" he said in a second, without thinking.

"Well there you go" Leo said triumphantly, not letting Harry say anything else. "Now just go there and tell her that."

"Are you insane?"

"No, Harry, you have been insane all this years. And now you have finally come to your senses. Now go there and catch her while you still can."

"I don't deserve her."

"What would this world look like if everyone got just what he deserved?" Leo asked half – jokingly. "We can't choose who we'll love. And we owe ourselves to at least try to be happy. No one knows that better than I do. Life is a one way road. Don't let yourself go any more step alone if you can go with someone holding your hand. You owe it to yourself and to Nikki. "

"You really think she'll accept me?"

"Well, you won't know until you ask."

"You really don't get it, do you? My feelings are irrelevant. She simply can't go. Don't you agree? Who will take care of her there? She is strong but she is also so fragile. It's a dangerous place. Someone might want to hurt her and I wouldn't be there to protect her" he paused, sighed and then said "So many times when she needed me I wasn't there… But I should have been. I want to be." Again he stayed quiet for a few seconds "I need her, too" he finally said.

"Then just…go."

"It's all so simple to you, isn't it?"

Leo didn't want him to think too much because all of this was pointless. He knew that Harry was only trying to delay the moment when he'll finally face Nikki and then, he knew, they'll be happier than he has ever seen them. Unless they mess something up again. He really hoped they won't but either way he wouldn't indulge Harry by listening his ramblings.

"Be quiet. Janet is asleep. In two hours we have a doctor's appointment to check on the baby. She needs rest. And this is my day off. I've only been awake because I had some reports to finish. You are supposed to be at work in an hour and you are here, half drunk and yelling. Put yourself together, Harry."

"Oh please Leo, you know I can't do that. Sorry but you are meant to be there for me in situations like these, so bear with me. Besides, one hour is a long time."

Then he suddenly remembered. "God, you think Nikki will be there?"

"It is her workplace, Harry."

"No. No, I can't go there."

Now Leo pretended to be angry. "I knew this would happen. The first time you begged me to keep her to work with us I knew this would happen. You two can solve this out. And work together. Don't complicate it when it's the simplest thing ever. Don't let your fear be the reason you'll lose her."

"She is not mine to lose."

"Who says that? What's the worst thing that can happen? She'll leave anyway. Or she'll stay and..." he sighed "I'll have to find a way to survive with you two being indiscreet all the time. That's putting it mildly."

* * *

><p>Finally back in his car, Harry realised that Leo was right. He had nothing to lose. Except everything. Because the only good outcome for him would be that she accepts him. But he couldn't imagine that. Rationally put, he thought, she'll leave or - she'll tell him she's not interested and things will become awkward and THEN she'll leave.<p>

Maybe things were better left unsaid?

Yes, that seemed like a good idea. Or was it?


End file.
